More people are anxious, stressed, depressed and on meds than any other generation in the history of the world. So what's the problem?
People chase around happiness without the slightest clue about what it actually means – running around unaware there are really two types and that they're pursuing the wrong one.
In this post, I am going to break down these two different types and give some insight on why we overlook one and continuously chase the other.
The simple path
Have you ever heard this famous Carmel McConnell quote:
Do more of what makes you happyIt's timeless, but it lacks the distinction between the fact that there is really two types of happiness. It creates a massive issue.
Without understanding the difference, it's easy to go after the wrong kind of happiness. Let's look at this list of stuff that makes most people happy:
- Binge watching series and films on Netflix
- Eating an artisan burger with bacon and barbecue sauce
- Laying around in bed on Sunday morning
- Flipping through social media
It's easy to think McConnell just means more of that stuff – activities that quickly bring you happiness or make you feel good. But it's not that simple.
You see, this is immediate happiness, and any successful person will tell you it's the assassin of dreams, motivation, and progress. And they're right.
The activities I listed above are super comfortable – bringing dopamine hits immediately with little to no effort. And that's the beginning of the problem.
Culture of immediate reward
As American culture dives deeper into the need for convenience and immediate pleasure, we wear out the pleasure system. Let me explain.
Just like a junky needs more drugs trying to get the original feeling back – requiring bigger doses or more substances – we are doing the same thing with the brain's reward center.
After the quick and easy dopamine hit fades, we seek out another easy, fast way to get it back. How many easy and quick rewards to you give yourself per day?
Hundreds? Thousands?
Start with your smartphone... Mobile game and social media developers are using habit-forming models to get you hooked – and spending more time – on their products.
It's hard to tell for sure how many rewards you give yourself per day, but research indicates we are trying to get happiness immediately. It's not working; the feeling goes away.
It's hard to tell for sure how many rewards you give yourself per day, but research indicates we are trying to get happiness immediately. It's not working; the feeling goes away.
That leads us to the other type of happiness.
This doesn't feel like happiness
Research shows that what makes people feel most happy is human relationships – commitment to connecting with others.
Brené Brown describes how vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, strength, development and more. Furthermore...
You can't be vulnerable without creating a stronger bond.
But vulnerability never feels like happiness while you're being vulnerable. Seriously...
If you remember being thrilled in a moment of vulnerability, please tell me in the comments. I'd love to be wrong. I digress...
Vulnerability hurts. It makes us feel insecure. But not forever.
Tom Bilyeu and the long list of people he has interviewed are transparent about how vulnerability has helped them grow, and ultimately brought them more happiness.
Another thing they describe is specific tasks they don't like doing but commit to daily because of the sweet (eventual) payoff. And this isn't isolated.
Another thing they describe is specific tasks they don't like doing but commit to daily because of the sweet (eventual) payoff. And this isn't isolated.
Hal Elrod, Darren Hardy, Oprah Winfrey, and every freaking successful person that you can imagine – I guarantee this – has a morning routine. And many of them don't like parts of it.
They may hate waking up early, detest sitting in silence, get frustrated with morning exercise... But that isn't going to stop them. They force themselves to do it and learn to love it. Why?
Because of latent happiness. This is the second type, and it refers to actions you take now – which suck in the moment – to bring you future happiness. Let's examine further.
Unhappy now, happy later
Is it possible McConnell wanted to say you should do more of what brings you latent happiness? Bare with me.
We've got two opposing ideas here...
- Do what makes you happy immediately
- Do what will bring you more happiness in the future (you probably won't enjoy in the moment)
The first reduces your patience, increases stress and anxiety, and can lead to depression. It strips you of the grit required to push through when times get tough – it trains you to want easy.
Why would McConnell – a poverty and wellbeing activist and author – have suggested that?
On the other hand, the second fosters persistence. It provides the focus you need to remember why you are doing difficult things – working extra hours, changing your diet, learning new skills. Here's an example:
Why would McConnell – a poverty and wellbeing activist and author – have suggested that?
On the other hand, the second fosters persistence. It provides the focus you need to remember why you are doing difficult things – working extra hours, changing your diet, learning new skills. Here's an example:
My wife and I regularly talk about dreams and goals. It's a habit we love. However...
Those conversations can be difficult. They require a lot of focus, digging deep into the abstract compartments of our minds and feelings. It's tough.
Those conversations can be difficult. They require a lot of focus, digging deep into the abstract compartments of our minds and feelings. It's tough.
But we know expanding on ideas and diving into thoughts makes it easier to manifest the dreams and desires connected to them – creating clearer pictures in our heads of the destination and necessary steps to reach them.
Focused on the goal
As cliché as the word 'hack' is, I heavily advocate for mind hacking – or reframing – your way into getting stoked on latent happiness. Let me explain.
Like I described above about morning routines, you have to focus on the 'why' and commit to the action while teaching yourself to enjoy it. Here's an example:
Both my wife and I hate doing housework. For me, however, not as much as I hate the idea of paying a housekeeper. Therefore, I focus on how much my wife will appreciate a clean house, then I do it.
Her gratitude – which comes later, after I've finished – will make me happy. I sure as hell am not thrilled while I'm scrubbing the toilet.
You can apply this to so many areas of life...
- hating the gym, but loving the results of working out
- being pissed about studying every night after work, but enjoying every extra dollar of the pay raise that comes with the certification you get
There are tons of ways this manifests in your life. So the point is...
Do hard shit and focus the happiness that will come later.
Open to interpretation
The famous quote isn't to be taken lightly. It's a simple phrase that carries a lot of weight, however...
While I don't believe McConnell wanted to imply that you should go out and chase immediate happiness... you're welcome to interpret it that way.
I believe her words tell us to invest our time and actions into the things that will bring the most happiness in life... even if that happiness doesn't come quick.
Much like a financial investment, you can't expect to get that fat return tomorrow.
What do you think about the difference between immediate and latent happiness? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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