Why Failing Sucks, and What to Do About It

A short while ago, I noticed this pattern that I have. To say the least, it was less than glamorous. More specifically, it made me feel pretty shitty.

As a person who is REALLY hard on himself, I can get into some deep self loathing when I realize that I have a bad habit, have been doing something wrong, or have some kind of screw up.

I don't mean I get a dark cloud over my head, I mean I become the dark cloud. My friend Jennica quotes me on this.

So, when I realized this pattern, I put myself on hot coals for a little while.

Generally speaking, I find myself to be pretty positive, but I can transform to a whiny little bitch when I stagnate. Which, with apologies to those who had to hear it, is what happened.

I complained about not meeting my expectation for progress, something that was based on nothing qualifiable other than a desire.

Let's just say that this is definitely NOT what I want for my life. I know I can be better. I've lived it, and I much prefer it.

Recently, I have been reading personal development and entrepreneurial books as a source of motivation and inspiration. A common thread that these resources submit is setting small achievable goals.

For example, I want to be fluent in Portuguese. While that is my end game, it's not a small achievable goal.

If I set all my focus on this idea that I need to be fluent in order to reach the goal, I get frustrated at the first sign of trouble, i.e. not speaking fluently.

However, when I break down my end game into chunks (small achievable pieces) I work on one thing at a time and eventually get to that desired outcome.

Here's another example: a small achievable goal could be to meet my daily goal on Duolingo (30 XP) for an entire month. This exposes me to new vocabulary and grammar, and gives me a platform to practice a little.

This isn't anything huge, nor difficult, and I am not going to be fluent in Portuguese at the end. However, I will be better, I will feel good about my achievement, and I will be more likely to use the momentum of success (what Darren Hardy calls big Mo) to continue achieving my desired result.

So, now you are thinking, "What did you do to pull yourself outta the funk?"

To be honest, it actually was Duolingo. My small achievable task was doing Duolingo (30 XP) every day for a month.

I just figured it would be an easy start because I was out of the rhythm of practicing and studying. I thought I wasn't improving even though I was doing a little of various things.

Yesterday, I did it. Not only did I meet that goal, but I completed the entire Portuguese course on day 28 while maintaining full skill strength for all completed levels. Duolinguists, you know what that means.

Even more difficult than the Portuguese was maintaining the consistency. Now that it's April 1st, it feels damn good to know that I did it. Even though it wasn't a huge achievement, I know it helped me.

And this is the point. Small achievable goals. Boost yourself instead of becoming a punching bag by focusing on small parts of the process instead of big ones, or the desired result.

We don't need to feel like shit when we don't get the thing that we want most because we have the opportunity to feel awesome about taking one more step toward it. It's just a matter of perspective.

Not reaching a goal is going to feel awful, but to see what you are doing as a benefit toward that goal is even more powerful because, if you don't, you may end up stuck in a rut of stagnation, focused on what you're not doing.

That sounds the opposite of progress.

If you have any experiences like mine, where you felt like crap but did a spin move on your attitude, or maybe you are struggling with getting out of a rut right now, comment below and tell me about it.

If you have any interest in learning more about Duolingo, just go to your preferred app store and download it. It's free, easy to use, and fun. Don't hesitate, it's better than scrolling through feeds.